Breathe in through your feet!
Why Yoga is for everyone...or not.
Life can be stressful – and finding time to relax a challenge.
I love yoga. What better way to switch off and unwind than running your body through some calming yoga poses? I love teaching yoga. And I love the people who practice yoga along with me.
With that said however, I'll admit it. Yoga practitioners can be pretty damn annoying to be around.
Here’s why yoga buffs (yogis) are the most annoying of all.
Yoga welcomes everyone
Who doesn’t mind handing over $40 for a 60-minute class? And who knows the
difference between Iyengar, Ashtanga, Mysore, Vinyasa, Bikram, Kundalini, Hatha and Yin?
Yoga welcomes everyone – regardless of ability
~ Let’s keep it simple today and start with a Tadasana, then adho mukha shvanasana through to a bhujangasana and finish with the utkatasanan.
~ Yeah Ummm…I don’t know what those words mean so I am just going to assume you said something about my mother.
Yogis are grateful
‘I’m so blessed! What an amazing day! I’m so grateful to be alive!’ – on the subway, at rush hour, on a snowy January morning when it is only 1 fucking degree outside.
Yogis are mindful
Or, as your granny would call it, sitting still with your mouth shut.
Yogis are full of bullshit
Yoga is good for toning? I had no idea! No, I’m here to discover a higher consciousness through alignment of my inner chakras in a yogic practice.
Yogis have a secret language they know you can’t speak
I’ve been working on my bandha, my mulabandha’s not so bad but if I combine that with my Surya Namaskar it really should help alignment of my chakras and increased knowledge of my Niyama, what do you think?
*reverses out of room and sprints to nearest bar*
Yogis feel stuff you can’t
They call it a sense of subtle etheric spiritual energy.
You call it air conditioning.
Yogis definitely don’t judge…
Hungover? You drank alcohol last night??
*Stands motionless and stared at like you’ve just admitting to drowning a sack full of newborn kittens before breakfast*
Yogis have a sub-set – the urban guru
Also known as a 26-year- old girl from Red Hook, Brooklyn who decided to re-train as a yoga teacher after she got bored of working in PR. (I actually know someone who did this. She is an amazing teacher.)
Only yogis know how to breathe properly
You mean to tell me you’ve been breathing through your mouth not your nose for the entire class!?
Wow, I’m surprised you’re still conscious.
Yogis aren’t always female
The number of boys getting in on the act is on the up, which is welcome news for someone who likes a bit of eye candy while she’s aligning her chakras.
Unless you’re 6 inches away from a 225 lb man wearing a pair of speedos in
downward dog, dripping enough sweat from his crotch to hydrate a small third world country.
Watch out for the Bro-gis
You know them. The guys doing Bro-ga. (Not to be confused with the ones at the Broga Studio. Those guys do good work). The Bro-gis. The ones who after every vinyasa let out a grunt that’s akin to what the love child of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone would sound like while constipated.
Yogis are so unique
Packing in your job, handing over $3,000 for a weekend course in advanced yoga teaching in the hope of being the 75,000th 30-something New Yorker singleton to run a yoga retreat in the Village.
Yogis live in the moment
Excuse me, could you take a picture of me letting go of my ego and being mindful on a hilltop in Tulum so I can post it on social media to see how many likes I get?
Yogis only eat REAL food
Being gluten, sugar, wheat, dairy, alcohol and air intolerant are not mandatory for all yogis.
But the studio cafe does an amazing raw celeriac and mung bean salad which is only $40 – although you should probably find out what blood type you are first, it might not be compatible.
Yogis know the value of a detox retreat
At least $2,500.